Guest Blog with Chelsea King-Martin
I was in the midst of a divorce from a 16 year marriage, one that included welcoming three children into this world. It was a Sunday morning and I had “zipped myself up”, shoving all my grief into my body and zipping it up tightly so it wouldn’t spill over as I moved through my life, an experience I had every time I went into public. I was sitting in the pews of my congregation when a woman lit a candle during our joys and sorrows ritual, stood at the microphone, and stated that the candle was to honor her divorce from 2 decades prior. Happily married to a new partner, she recognized that her divorce from 20 years earlier had been a private and shameful event and never properly recognized publicly. She recanted the ritual that went into her marriage, and the isolation and guilt that went into her divorce. I was moved to tears. Unzipped.
My own marriage ceremony had included guests, flowers, cake, music, candles, readings and an exotic honeymoon. My divorce was private, painful, quiet. It was heart-break. Messy, awkward and shameful. I realized that this life transition out of married life lacked ritual and connection. I began to yearn for an opportunity to honor this transition. I heard of “divorce parties” and other celebrations and I respected this; yet, my divorce wasn’t a celebration. It was a painful to the core, wailing on the floor, zip myself up and be brave, I have to do it to save my soul, dear god help me, kind of event. A party didn’t seem right. I needed a journey to honor this transition.
From that was born the Alchemizing Divorce workshop. Together with my co-creator, Kristin Lee Admundson-Speer, who had moved through her own divorce process years earlier and is currently happily re-married to her life partner, we designed a process that would include ritual and ceremony, like what may go into a wedding. We included opportunity to celebrate, and opportunity to wail on the floor if that’s what is needed. No zipping oneself up required.
This journey is really something one must experience to understand. Describing the Alchemizing Divorce workshop is like describing a foreign country or a stunning natural wonder. We can describe it, but there’s a magic that you only experience by living it. I know you’re curious though, so I’ll try to explain….
We honor three phases of the relationship:
- ~ The coming together, or “the construction”,
- ~ The dismantling, or “the destruction”
- ~ The “integration”, or greater alignment with our divine purpose.
We build altars and place flowers. We eat cake. We have ceremonial tea. We wear comfortable clothing, and possibly adorn ourselves in a ceremonial way if that feels right. We move our bodies to music. We write cards. We pray and meditate. We tell our stories, move through them, and break free of them. We reflect one another. We transmute.
Kristin and I have designed a day long event that honors loss AND the transformation into greater alignment with the divine, a move toward greater joy and serenity.
We hope that you will join us, or share this invitation with someone who you believe may benefit. Together we will move through the construction, destruction and integration of the relationship we once had. From this we experience freedom from the heartbreak and move forward with renewed hope and clarity.
Learn more and register at www.AlchemizingDivorce.com
We can also be found on Facebook @alchemizingdivorce